June 19, 2009

• Dear Miss Anonymous

  Why do you wear those shorts? Remember all those cold winter months that left you wearing jeans and a jacket? We still thought you were really pretty cool. We always invited you to hang out with us, and tried to let you know how meaningful you were to us. And the heat hasn’t changed that—you’re still meaningful, we still appreciate you, and we still value you. Why do you wear those shorts?

  Do you know what those shorts look like to me? To us, I should say, the XY chromosomes out here. I ask half because I don’t know what they look like to me. Some bit of my brain short-circuits every time I see a pair of good looking legs sticking out of shorts like that. Every time I see you, you’re stealing just enough of my mind that I become just a little bit irrational.

  To be completely fair, it is a pleasant irrationality. But it doesn’t mean that I like you stealing my brain any more for it. I admire you just as much—no, I admire you more when I can admire you intelligently. You don’t have to make me an idiot before I think you’re an awesome person. You’re awesome anyway. And wearing those shorts detracts from how well I’m able to appreciate you.

  So, why do you wear those shorts?

  -signed,
  A friend.

  • 1:36 am
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