October 28, 2008

• I am very tired tonight. I taste like limeade and stale cigars, asphalt and grease. There is sand in my hair and under my nails, and slowly it is creeping into my eyes. Also, my hand feels as though I knocked it into something.

  I suddenly remember how to dance. It doesn't matter if you know the steps or not, not in dancing. What is so important is that you can speak silently a language that especially someone knows. And I feel sad that I am speaking silently a language that nobody understands because nobody can see me right now. I suppose that is what loneliness is.

  One of my favorite cures for lonliness is falling asleep. There is awhile that isn't remembered, and then slowly waking, and knowing that I am going to the coffee shop or to the school, or perhaps to the post-office with a letter and a bill tucked under my arm. I think I will avoid my loneliness by sleeping, now. After all, I am very tired tonight.

  And I feel the missing of things that I once had, and things that I have not had yet, but hope for.

  • 12:34 am
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